Epic, simply Epic.

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Gaius never understood why mothers didn't simply spontaneously abort children that were clearly the scum of the world. If mothers could and did for any sort of glaring defect, then the shimmering Hufflepuff wouldn't be in the middle of Hogsmeade, looking down, unamused at the stocky blonde Gryffindor that was blocking his path.

He would simply walk away, but everytime he took a step to the side, the other would as well. By the fifth time one Gerard Gallo had crabbed walk to the left, Gaius was pretty sure that the silence and stern look on the idiot's face meant something. And so, with an annoyed sigh that flared his nostrils and disturbed the precious tendrils of his mustache, he folded his arms lightly over his chest and glared down through his pince-nez at the disturbingly silent Gryffindor.

Clearly he was supposed to start something, or the fool wouldn't move. He hated it when Gallo got it in his head that he wanted an altercation, but refused to make the first move without some provocation (something about how heroes react to villainy or some rot like that).

'What is it, Gallo? Did someone use the silencing spell on you or did mother nature finally realise her mistake and take away your speaking capabilities?' The Hufflepuff allowed a quirk of his lips upward in amusement when he saw a flicker of confusion in Gallo's blue eyes.

'Ignore the latter question and just tell me what you want. Or is that too much for your minature brain?' Alright, so he didn't want the confrontation to begin with, but now that he started it, he was starting to enjoy it. Sometimes it took little things like confusing the living daylights out of the self-proclaimed 'Heir of Gryffindor' to make his days that much better. Leave it to Gerard Gallo to make his day better unintentionally.

The Great Gerard Gallo had sensed that morning, as he donned his crimson cape before the mirror that his latest excursion to the sleepy town of Hogsmeade was going to be an unusual one.

Little did he know just how unusual and dramatic it would be.

Striding past the masses of unsuspecting, good Gryffindors, Gerry wandered about with his sharp blue eyes peeled for the trouble that he could feel in his gut (he refused to believe it was because of breakfast where he looked away for the moment and ate something that definitely did not taste like his oatmeal). Trouble reared its head (or well...sparkled and blinded him for a moment) in the form of his archnemesis (the only villain he could think of in Hufflepuff that looked startlingly stylish in a purple pinstripe vest and trousers while wearing a long yellow skirt--not that he was jealous) Gaius Repertus. Even from a distance, the hero could already see him twisting his sinister mustache with much malevolence. He had to be stopped!

However, seeing as his customary way of entering would probably not be well-received by the populace still chafing from his coming-out fiasco at The Three Broomsticks not three weeks prior (and the fact that his fair maiden Ms. Appleton was not with him for this particular excursion), he decided the best way to approach the villain was to simply stand before him, fists upon hips and stare up sternly at him. Surely the evil, evil mustachioed man would soon succumb to his customary nervousness and reveal his evil plans to him much quicker that way!

Oddly, it took perhaps a little longer, what with the glittering man taking one step here and  few steps here to try to escape the intimidating presence of Gerard Gallo, heir of Gryffindor.

When the man finally spoke, it took him a beat longer to truly comprehend what was leaving those thin lips, being temporarily distracted by the way that furry little creature living over Repertus's upperlip reflected its captor's nervous mood. However, when he finally registered what the villain said, Gerry didn't speak. Instead, he took a moment to simply stand there and let the silence stretch. Normally he would've given the evil man a witty repartee, but he found that standing there silent was making the other more nervous than usual, which he saw as the upperhand.

It was starting to hurt to stare up at the shimmering Hufflepuff villain on that partly cloudy afternoon when Gerry heard a gust of wind travel around them, fluttering his cape and Repertus's skirt. There was a silence about them as people stopped to stare.

And then came the tumbleweeds.

Yes. Tumbleweeds.

Gerry didn't turn to watch the strange weeds go by, but he could see them from the corner of his eye. He was suddenly reminded of those westerns his father used to watch from time to time to imitate an American accent and he immediately realised right after the memory that usually, when tumbleweeds rolled by, it meant that there would be a significant altercation or duel between good and evil. The thought lit his eyes and he blinked and moved back, drawing his wand to point right at the villain that was giving him a look of pure fear (translation: incredulity) and smiled.

'Wand out, Repertus! Today will be the day I use the bravery and skill of Godric to finally defeat you once and for all!'

Gaius couldn't decide if he ought to be amused or just incredulous as tumbleweeds, of all things, rolled past them while he stood a meter apart from the idiot Gryffindor. By the time Gallo spoke, though, he decided both wouldn't be amiss.

Smirking, he pinched and twirled one end of his mustache when the other declared a duel. Really, as if he would do such a thing in full view of the Hogsmeade populace! He was no stupid Gryffindor and he knew the rules.

Besides, what was the point in engaging in a duel when all Gallo would do was sputter a few words and turn his wand into a sparkler? Giving his 'opponent' another look up and down, he felt his lips curling just as much as the ends of his fabulously sparkly mustache.

'Gallo, you are a hazard with a wand. Are you sure you even know which end is the one that fires? I have better things to do than to watch you hex your own face with boils again. Kindly step out of the way or be flung off into Hogshead.' As he spoke, he slipped out his wand from the pocket of his elegant yellow skirt and held it loosely in his long fingers. He didn't attack, though, fearing for the well-being of those around him if he did.

While Gaius was not charitable to his fellow humans, he really didn't like a mess and would rather contain it. Hopefully Gallo would surprise him for once and not do a crazed monkey barrel at him.

Gerry hardly heard a word the sinister villain said. His eyes were trained critically on those fingers that were tugging at the end of that odious mustache to really notice anything else. From the way the other was looking down at him, he knew this was going to be a most formidable confrontation.

His hand around the handle of his wand tightened when his bright, valiant eyes strayed from the mustache over to where he noticed movement. Ah! The villain had tried to sneakily pull out his wand! And what was that? Did Gerard Gallo hear a threat?

He squared his shoulders and smiled confidently when the other drawled like a sinister criminal, knowing full well that he was going to be prepared this time. Yes, with the wand drawn, Gerry believed he had enough reason to attack now, right? Right.

'Ha! Villain Repertus, I see you trying to underhandedly disarm me! You won't be able, to however--expelligarmus!' His booming voice was followed with a very manly flourish of his wand, causing his cape to billow in the breeze as he posed like a conquering wizard.

Unfortunately, the tip of his wand didn't do so much as even spark this time. Rather, it just remained a stick of wood. However, he was sure it was a delayed reaction! Yes, it had to be! And so, he remained in position for five more seconds, drawing glances from admirers waiting in bated breath for something to happen.

When nothing happened, Gerry's quick brain switched rusty gears, realising that the villain had somehow disabled his magic! Golden brows clouding, he resumed a more defensive dueling stance as he eyed his amused opponent.

'You fiend! How dare you disable my magic? No matter, RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!' He cried as he threw his wand to the ground and charged headfirst at the sparkling menace like a bull.

Irma hated children. Her hate for children was not an unknown thing, indeed those vile creatures often mocked her about her love for her precious books (my precious). Dirty hands, dirty mouths, dirty behavior, it was all so disgusting. Really, if she had it her way, there would be no children at Hogwarts. It would just be her and Argus and those whips he liked to shine every once in a while (that damn cat would be gone too, creepy thing that it was). But Albus ruled Hogwarts and he was too soft hearted, not even letting her Argus use the shackles to shut them up. Bah. And Minerva! Should she remind that young lady exactly powers she used to have before Albus took over. Maybe she would work those children harder.

Still, as staff at Hogwarts, she was doing her duty to go to Hogsmeade and watch over the little pests, in hopes that they didn't cause property damage or make a child like that one Ravenclaw some how managed to do, stupid girl. Really, did girls have no respect for their bodies these days? If Irma had it her way, they would be swathed in the boarding school clothes of her use, where boys would have to get through five layers of clothing before having a key to a chastity belt (Irma's father was always worried about men and what they'd do to her). Gritting her teeth, the Librarian stood straight-laced and stern, looking around the street.

Irma was chosen, as her Argus gently reminded her, because she had somehow managed to skip her duty for the last 6 years counting, and it was about time for someone to notice that she never went to Hogsmeade. Still looking annoyed, her Argus had given her a kiss and then a longer kiss, because he was just sweet like that, and then she had left, looking a little rosy but still like a giant bird. Arriving at Hogsmeade, she had walked into the Hogs' Head with her own glass, ordered their strongest brew and then walked right back out, daring a student to approach her. (Luckily, they didn't). Downing half her drink at once, Irma stalked around like a giant bat, breaking apart couples, yelling at those annoying little midgets that sang Halloween songs and finally settling on just going back to her post in the library and ignoring anything Dumbledore had told her about responsibility. Her only responsibility was to her books. Not to snot-nosed brats and their stupid dog.

Then just like that, two idiots stopped her from going inside, because they were inable to keep themselves together for three hours. They appeared to be shouting at each other, and Irma recognized that incorrigible imbecile from Gryffindor, Gerard Gallo, who she liked to think about strangling with his own cape on numerous occasions. Across from him was that glittering cretin Giaus Repertus, who was twirling his idiotic moustache like it was something to be proud of. Really. How did people have children was beyond her. Echoing Mr. Repertus' earlier thought, it was some kind of lame defect that mothers did not spontaneously abort their horrid children.

Gallo, who apparently did not know a wand from a troll, failed to even make Repertus wince, and Irma felt the need to push his face into the nearest wall until he was bloody. Really. Did nothing penetrate through the ridiculously thick skulls of students these days? Expelligarmus indeed! Irma began to step forward to pull both of ears of the students at the same time (she was skilled like that) when Gallo started to bellow in what Irma liked to call 'the decline of humanity' and ran forward with as much force as she could. Before she really realised what was happening, she somehow managed to tackle Gallo and throw the rest of her drink at Repertus's face. Standing up, she stood over the boys like a raging bull, her nose flaring as she breathed in deeply. Taking in a deep breath, and let it rip.

"Do you enjoy single handedly lowering the IQ of the Human Race, Mr. Gallo?" Irma shouted. Rounding on Repertus, she gave him an ugly smile, which showed all her teeth and made a child cry, somewhere in India. "And I suppose you think that you're Merlin's gift to mankind, Mr. Repertus? There are more then one kind of simpleton, and I intended to prove that both kinds can be punished tonight." The moment would have been perfect if thunder cracked behind her, but she supposed her slightly maniacal laughter would have to do.

If Gerard Gallo was the only hope for mankind, humanity would be utterly and completely screwed.

Gaius blinked when he heard the Gryffindor's incantation, not quite sure just what the idiot had been trying to do in the first place. It was probably expelliarmus, but who knew? Maybe the moron had found some obscure hex and was trying something new? The latter was, perhaps, a bit too optimistic as the seconds ticked by and nothing remotely magical happened. The Hufflepuff allowed himself an amused smile at this.

If he knew Gallo (and he did), he was sure the boy would drop magic at any time and try a physical confrontation instead. Knowing this, he fully anticipated to be able to side step whatever reckless grapple the other tried and then fire a neat binding spell, which would leave the Gryffindor quite helpless on the dirty Hogsmeade streets while he made his way safely over to the Three Broomsticks to enjoy a drink and some intelligent company.

But, to fit the cliche about all good, antagonistic plans, this one was to come to naught! Alas! Another cliche fulfilled with the aid of...ugh! What did that witch just spill on his illustrious person?! Stumbling backward in a most inelegant manner, he initially glared up at the librarian from behind his drenched spectacles, but the glare seemed to waver just like his indignation at the monstrous sight that used to cow him as a first year (and apparently still did). Any outraged indignation he had was reduced to a stunned, deer-caught-in-headlights-oh-shit-I'm-in-so-much-trouble-mum-help-me look as he found himself looking three years younger despite his dripping mustache as the wicked witch of the library cackled over them.

What did he ever do to deserve this? Wasn't it Gallo's fault?!

"B-But m-m-m'a-a-am! I-I-I d-din't d-d-o anything!" Oh, it was a sad day indeed to see a man like Gaius Repertus reduced to a liquour-stained, unglittery coward! And it was ALL GERARD GRYFFINDORK GALLO'S FAULT (he would later express this anger in a very rich and snobby way once he recovered his glittering appearance and was alcohol-free, of course).

His charge was perfect, as was his aim and leap, despite not really even looking to see where this stick-like archnemesis was standing. This had to be the time! The time he would finally be able to knock that glittering, undead creature off his lofty pedestal!

Adrenaline rushing up to his ears, he found himself smiling in victory as he caught sight of the purple pinstripes. Soon! One more second and then--

"RAAAAA--AUGH!" What was this? What withered, vice-like creature had assaulted him in such an underhanded manner?! And was that old books and rubbing alcohol he smelled?

Crashing without any finesse onto the dusty ground, the heroic heir of Gryffindor grunted in minor discomfort (translation: excruciating pain that he is too manly to admit even to himself) as the creature unlatched her talons from him-- a sign that she clearly saw she had wronged the hero rather than the villain! Yes, an ally that smelled like moldy books and ancient athletic medications clearly was on his side! Perhaps a mage to his white knight? Yes! Haha, that had to be it!

His dismay transformed into delighted victory-by-dumb-luck propelled him back up to his feet within seconds. Once he was standing (after a bit of stumbling that he promptly forgot about) he whipped his handsome blonde locks away from his face and placed his fists on his hips in a very smug manner as he gave the soaked villain Repertus a triumphant look.

He was so confident at his upperhand that he didn't even hear the cackle until it was too late. Oh no...that bone-chilling cackle...the smell of books...that could only mean...?

Blue eyes widened in shock, he quickly glanced up at the hawk-like shadow that hovered over him and his rival only to discover the very same creature he'd previously hailed as a likely ally was...MADAM PINCE? A shudder traveled down the Gryffindor's spine as he looked up at her with undisguised, stark horror. There were few in the noble realm of Hogwarts more evil than the book-wielding hag of the library! Not even Gerard Gallo was stupid enough to think she was truly an ally. She may have been a temporary ally, but creatures as old as her would never changer her ways! That cackle was just the first indication of her regression to the dark side!

Oh, what ever would the noble Heir of Gryffindor do now?!